INCASE YOU MISSED IT 2016

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

HOW I GOT TALKED IN TO RESTARTING MY BLOG

Due to many requests, I have decided to bless you all with more laughs and giggles at the #trainwreck of my life this year. If you know me personally beware that you may be included in some of these stories of my day-to-day disastrous life, and if you know me on social media, I apologize for all the inappropriate humor that embodies my soul so well.

I thought as a quick little reintroduction I would do a short review of what you missed out on last year:

January: My tall, dark, and handsome cousin got engaged to someone tall, dark, and even more gorgeous than he (barf), and I also allowed said cousin to talk me into attending a singles meet and greet on a cruise that was one step below a retirement community. No sugar daddies were found.

February: I wasted money on stupid ass socks because I got stood up on Valentine’s day because guys don’t date we all just keep “talking” until one day we accidentally end up engaged and married no one knows how we got there because commitment doesn’t exist and no we aren’t dating we’ve just been talking for 183497 days but like heaven forbid you admit that you actually want to spend time together. I didn’t even want to buy the socks. He’s the one that said we were doing something. Not me. End Rant. Nothing exciting here, move along.

March: I decided to attempt a swim line. Let’s all laugh together.

April: Previously mentioned cousin-to-be invited me wedding dress shopping. This trip reminded me of not only how short and round I am because this betch fit into every dress like the super model she is, but it also reminded me how unlikely it will be that I ever try those dresses on. Pass the champagne, please. #foreveralone

May: My bestfriend Karla and I took a cruise to Mexico. We might not be allowed back to that side of the gulf.

June: Ended up as the headlining show at Club Karma, Wichita Falls. Also, I think I pulled a hamstring.

July: Is it really summer if you don’t so something super sketchy with someone you definitely should not be doing sketchy things with? #puntacana #howdidigethere

August: Spontaneous trip down to Destin, Florida with my #squad. We are 99.9% sure I am banned for life at the Red Door Saloon. Bar Tip #746: Don’t kick the beer taps on.

September: I turned 25 and immediately saw my future slipping away from me.

October: Found a black cat on the Friday of Halloween so basically my life is forever cursed.

November: Ate my weight in Nana’s cornbread stuffing and drank a glass of wine for every single joke directed at me on Thanksgiving. 4 bottles of wine later they still weren’t funny…


December: Previously talked about cousin got married in Cancun (love y’all). I on the other hand was lucky enough to have TWO options of single men at the wedding and after multiple weird red tequila shots that we kept slamming on the bar, it quickly turned in to a really really BAD hillbilly version of the Bachelorette. *No roses were handed out at this time.

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