MIAMI MADE ME DO IT

If you follow me on any social media platform you may have noticed I just spent a week binge drinking away my life on a semi-adult spring break trip to Miami, Florida. After two months of cardio, multiple online shopping sprees and one extremely awful flight where we almost witnessed a death we rolled up to The Fountaine Bleu like boss-a$$-betches.

I've always heard that the land of Miami was filled with sexy brown men and copious amounts of alcohol but let me tell y'all- I wasn't ready. *insert Kevin Hart meme here*. Here are some things that I learned baking away on the sandy beaches of South Beach, Florida:

1. I love carbs way too much to live in Miami
When I tell you the fact that I halfway committed to a no carb diet for two months and still looked like a sloth in a one piece I am not lying. Don't get me wrong, I have a perfectly normal love/hate relationship with this soft voluptuous bod that I'm rocking. But the bodies in Florida are harder than Texas dirt in July.

2. If you think you're special, you're not
We pulled up lookin' fly as hell, but being surrounded by celebrities means you ain't shit. We got to stand a few feet away from Meek Mill, Ezekiel Elliot and Cuba Gooding Jr which was amazing, but then I realized that I was a peasant in this city.

3. Speaking of peasants
The lines (or mobs of people) to get into night clubs was UN. REAL. Y'ALL. Luckily for us we were VIP the whole week, but we still had to fight through MOBS of people standing outside the ropes begging to get in. They pull girls out of these crowds so they can fill up VIP tables so if you ain't a 10 you ain't getting in.

4. People really do look like they do on the 'gram
I'm funny, I'm short, I'm sassy, all qualities that contribute to my solid 8.5 status on the hotness scale. (If I lost 20lbs I'd be a solid 10 but who wants to do that?) BUT IN MIAMI? Solid 4 on a good day with a wet suit and a cover up. The men and women that grace those beaches are literally out of magazines. I feel in love with at least eight security guards because we all know I love myself a brown beefy man.

5. It is Vegas on Crack
Imagine Vegas on white sand and multiply it times ten. We were up till seven in the morning and on the beach by noon with no hangovers. The air is filled with bad decisions and hairspray. The oxygen you breath in fully prepares you for the all nighters and all dayers. Alcohol never stops pouring and the dancing never stops. In my opinion, it is by far the party capital of the United States. Vegas is so 3 years ago.

If you're looking for the best time of your life and to slightly go into debt, I highly recommend you go. Give yourself at least 2 years to diet properly and to save up enough money for one night at the club though.

XOXO, S