INCASE YOU MISSED IT 2016
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
HOW I GOT TALKED IN TO RESTARTING MY BLOG
Due to many requests, I have decided to bless
you all with more laughs and giggles at the #trainwreck of my life this year.
If you know me personally beware that you may be included in some of these
stories of my day-to-day disastrous life, and if you know me on social media, I
apologize for all the inappropriate humor that embodies my soul so well.
I thought as a quick little reintroduction I
would do a short review of what you missed out on last year:
January: My tall, dark, and handsome cousin got
engaged to someone tall, dark, and even more gorgeous than he (barf), and I also
allowed said cousin to talk me into attending a singles meet and greet on a
cruise that was one step below a retirement community. No sugar daddies were
found.
February: I wasted money on stupid ass socks
because I got stood up on Valentine’s day because guys don’t date we all just
keep “talking” until one day we accidentally end up engaged and married no one
knows how we got there because commitment doesn’t exist and no we aren’t dating
we’ve just been talking for 183497 days but like heaven forbid you admit that
you actually want to spend time together. I didn’t even want to buy the socks.
He’s the one that said we were doing something. Not me. End Rant. Nothing
exciting here, move along.
March: I decided to attempt a swim line.
Let’s all laugh together.
April: Previously mentioned cousin-to-be
invited me wedding dress shopping. This trip reminded me of not only how short and
round I am because this betch fit into every dress like the super model she is,
but it also reminded me how unlikely it will be that I ever try those dresses
on. Pass the champagne, please. #foreveralone
May: My bestfriend Karla and I took a cruise
to Mexico. We might not be allowed back to that side of the gulf.
June: Ended up as the headlining show at Club
Karma, Wichita Falls. Also, I think I pulled a hamstring.
July: Is it really summer if you don’t so
something super sketchy with someone you definitely should not be doing sketchy
things with? #puntacana #howdidigethere
August: Spontaneous trip down to Destin,
Florida with my #squad. We are 99.9% sure I am banned for life at the Red Door
Saloon. Bar Tip #746: Don’t kick the beer taps on.
September: I turned 25 and immediately saw my
future slipping away from me.
October: Found a black cat on the Friday of
Halloween so basically my life is forever cursed.
November: Ate my weight in Nana’s cornbread
stuffing and drank a glass of wine for every single joke directed at me on
Thanksgiving. 4 bottles of wine later they still weren’t funny…
December: Previously talked about cousin got
married in Cancun (love y’all). I on the other hand was lucky enough to have
TWO options of single men at the wedding and after multiple weird red tequila
shots that we kept slamming on the bar, it quickly turned in to a really really
BAD hillbilly version of the Bachelorette. *No roses were handed out at this
time.
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